You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
