Plan B is the new Plan A
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
