Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
