WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just crazy horny about you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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