Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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