All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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