My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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