Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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