YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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