I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
