i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
