i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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