There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
