I faked an abortion last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
