I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have already put on my inside pants.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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