Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
