im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
