Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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