Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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