she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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