420 ftw
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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