3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
