i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
