How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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