I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
