i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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