I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
