i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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