i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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