I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
