we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
