you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
