pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
