there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
