You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
