we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
