you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
