I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
