Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
