Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
