he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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