Sponge bath it is.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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