He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
