Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
