I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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