I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
