fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
