I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
