My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
