Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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