I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize