She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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