We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
