Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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