I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
