I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize