Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
