wanna go halves on a baby?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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