Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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