like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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