I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
