This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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