This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize