I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The adults are the big ones right?
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