You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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