i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The ass gains better be worth it
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