i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
