There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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