I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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