i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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