I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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