What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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