Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
