So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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