there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
